Happy Veteran's Day ^^

A job isn't a job when you love it.
      That's when it becomes a passion.

--Thanks baby. I love you.

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Did you know that when I was in 7th grade, I had an irrational fear of staplers?

Now I have an irrational fear of losing him...

Optical Illusions.

We've all seen this optical illusion before, right?
The first time I saw it, I saw the portrait of a beautiful young lady. But then, as I looked closer, I saw the image change, and I saw an old lady with a scarf around her head. After that, no matter how hard I tried, I could never look at that picture and just see the picture of the beautiful girl. I only saw the old lady.

Life is kind of like that for me right now. I am living with two realities. One of them is the reality that I have an incredible boy. One I love, very very much, and one that makes me happier than all of the macaroni and cheese on the planet. The other reality is the one where Devin has to be 200 miles away from me. That reality hurts, so badly :/

But for some reason, that's the only reality I choose to live in, constantly. It's all I can think about. I think about it until it hurts my stomach; it burns a hole in my insides. I constantly obsess about the possibility that he'll find a girl closer to him, or he'll get bored of talking on the phone or texting me. I wonder about when the next time I'll get to be by his side is, and it makes me want to cry when I realize that I'll probably never be able to know when the next time I'll see him is.

When I'm around him, I can't stop smiling. All I can think of is that this crazy gorgeous, talented, hilarious guy attached to my hand is mine. I feel like I could spread out my arms, jump off a cliff, and my feet would never touch the ground. I always think that nothing could bring me down, but then something does: The thought that I won't have that feeling anymore in a couple of days.

But you know what? I don't have to lose that feeling. I could take that feeling back home with me. I could say to myself, "Hey, he's still mine, even though he's not within reach. I get to be with him for as long as I want to." I shouldn't have to be near you to feel happy, because I still have you. You're still mine. But, I still hurt, so badly.

I know it would be impossible to forget the reality of being away from you. It is as obvious as the old lady in the picture. The thing I need to know, however, is how to balance it out. I need to know how to be ecstatic that he's mine, but still miss him. I can't do that. I miss him too much. I know someday I won't have to miss him as much, because he'll be around me constantly. But I wish time would speed up so badly I want to cry. When I'm with him I think about the fact that not being near him will make me want to die, and yet I have to feel that every day.

I need to learn to see both the girl and the old lady.

I need to learn to not miss him so much.